Dear Randa,
I met this guy at college orientation, and we became good friends. When college started, we ate breakfast, lunch, dinner together, and went shopping together, and basically did everything together.
One time after a party, we hooked up. The day after, I told him that I had no feelings for him and that I had a boyfriend. A few days later, he told me he liked me, but I still told him that we need to stay as friends.
Later on, at another party, I got drunk and ended up hooking up with another guy. Then this friend of mine got really angry and stopped talking to me. He said he's going to stop talking to me until I learned how to control myself. He told me not to drink or get high. I tried telling him that this will not happen again, and that I was sorry for him, myself, my boyfriend, and others. But he continued ignoring me.
Now, whenever our friends are hanging out together and we see each other, he completely ignores me. It's a very awkward situation. And it's a problem not only because it hurts me, but because his friends are also my friends, but it seems like he's taking them away. Whenever I call them up to do anything, they say they're doing something with him. Whenever I call them up to eat, they say they are eating with him.
I want to be friends with him again. But I don't know if he will ever stop being mad at me. Is he worth it? Are all my friends worth it?
From, Totally Lost.
Dear Totally lost,
Im going to be harsh. College isnt about alcoholism and being high its about making friends doing well and making a life and a career for your self. You need to stop drinking or drink only to a point where you can control your self. If your losing friends over it then dont do it. He has a right to be mad at you. Think how you would feel the reason you gave him for not bieng able to go out with him is your boy friend and then you turned around and you hooked up with another guy. For your boyfriend, your best friend, and everyone you randomly hook up with do them a favor and control your self.
Love randa
Friday, September 18, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
upset
Dear Randa
I have this clinging problem. When i first like a guy or sometimes when i make a new friend (depends on who it is), i go in this clinging phase where i really get attached. The thing is that i don't realize that I'm annoying them since im doing it out of love. Someone has to point it out or when they're no longer around, I think about what i did and i always figure its the clingy problem that drove them away. I don't know how to stop it. What do you think i should do?
From Upset
Dear Upset
It sounds like you realize you have a problem which is good. Instead of thinking back on the situation after its too late and realizing that you were too clingy. Think about the clinginess when your doing it. But dotn get too paranoid about it. It might all be in your head. Talk to the people around you and ask them what makes you clingy. Ask them to tell you when your being clingy. You can fix it if it really is a problem. Start with the people around you and work your way out. Everyone has theyre good points and if you ant fix your clinginess then you can give people a reason to want you around. Remember fix in and work your way out.
Randa Moustafa
I have this clinging problem. When i first like a guy or sometimes when i make a new friend (depends on who it is), i go in this clinging phase where i really get attached. The thing is that i don't realize that I'm annoying them since im doing it out of love. Someone has to point it out or when they're no longer around, I think about what i did and i always figure its the clingy problem that drove them away. I don't know how to stop it. What do you think i should do?
From Upset
Dear Upset
It sounds like you realize you have a problem which is good. Instead of thinking back on the situation after its too late and realizing that you were too clingy. Think about the clinginess when your doing it. But dotn get too paranoid about it. It might all be in your head. Talk to the people around you and ask them what makes you clingy. Ask them to tell you when your being clingy. You can fix it if it really is a problem. Start with the people around you and work your way out. Everyone has theyre good points and if you ant fix your clinginess then you can give people a reason to want you around. Remember fix in and work your way out.
Randa Moustafa
confused
Dear Randa
My friend broke up with her boyfriend this May. They've been going out for a couple of months but she was absolutely in love with him. His reason to dump her was that he didn't love her anymore. She was depressed for a while but finally she's getting better. The problem is that he's trying to talk to her now but just as friends. But he seems really flirtacious even though he's not into her anymore. Like he would tell her not to cut her hair cause she's beautiful in long hair and stuff like that. This got her hopes up since she isnt completely over him. I can't really stop her from talking to him but she thinks he likes her again. I really don't think so. I don't know what to do - i told her several times but she won't listen. What should i do to help her get over him while them being friends?
From Confused
Dear Confused,
If he gave her a reason like "i dont love you anymore" after only a couple of months he probably never loved her to begin with. He was probably just using her and seeing that she still likes him plans to continue using her. It could also be a syndrome guys have where they dont let things go. They think that since they dated you once upon a time that gives them a kind of hold on you for the rest of your life. My advice to you is take it in stages. First have a talk with your friend tell her he probably never loved her. Tell her hes using her. Remind her how much he hurt her when he dumped her. Tell her to put up boundaries. Treat him as only a friend. Tell her nto to sell her self short that she doesnt have to get over him right away but make him prove himself to her first. Over a period of time most girls will get over their crushes. Your still young. This love wont last tell her not to loose dignity over someone who so easily dropped her. Its harsh. But your her friend and if she cant hear this from you shell probably never hear it from anyone else. She can handle it trust me. You might say i already tried all this and words wont get through to her. Well then theres really nothing you can do you gotta let her fall. And when she falls be there to pick her up. and dont pull the i told you so just be a good friend to her. Girls are fools when theyr in love and we all got to learn in our own ways how to prevent our selves from being hurt.
Randa Moustafa
My friend broke up with her boyfriend this May. They've been going out for a couple of months but she was absolutely in love with him. His reason to dump her was that he didn't love her anymore. She was depressed for a while but finally she's getting better. The problem is that he's trying to talk to her now but just as friends. But he seems really flirtacious even though he's not into her anymore. Like he would tell her not to cut her hair cause she's beautiful in long hair and stuff like that. This got her hopes up since she isnt completely over him. I can't really stop her from talking to him but she thinks he likes her again. I really don't think so. I don't know what to do - i told her several times but she won't listen. What should i do to help her get over him while them being friends?
From Confused
Dear Confused,
If he gave her a reason like "i dont love you anymore" after only a couple of months he probably never loved her to begin with. He was probably just using her and seeing that she still likes him plans to continue using her. It could also be a syndrome guys have where they dont let things go. They think that since they dated you once upon a time that gives them a kind of hold on you for the rest of your life. My advice to you is take it in stages. First have a talk with your friend tell her he probably never loved her. Tell her hes using her. Remind her how much he hurt her when he dumped her. Tell her to put up boundaries. Treat him as only a friend. Tell her nto to sell her self short that she doesnt have to get over him right away but make him prove himself to her first. Over a period of time most girls will get over their crushes. Your still young. This love wont last tell her not to loose dignity over someone who so easily dropped her. Its harsh. But your her friend and if she cant hear this from you shell probably never hear it from anyone else. She can handle it trust me. You might say i already tried all this and words wont get through to her. Well then theres really nothing you can do you gotta let her fall. And when she falls be there to pick her up. and dont pull the i told you so just be a good friend to her. Girls are fools when theyr in love and we all got to learn in our own ways how to prevent our selves from being hurt.
Randa Moustafa
from confused
Dear Randa,
I already have a boyfriend, but at parties, I get tipsy or drunk, and always end up making out with someone else. I don't realize when we're making out, but when I start sobering up, I feel so guilty and stupid. My boyfriend forgave me once, and I didn't tell him about the other ones. I can't forgive myself, and I don't want him with a girl like me. What do I do? Should I break up with him and let him find someone better?
From Confused
Dear confused,
It sounds like you really love your boyfriend. It takes alot of guts to make a decision like letting someone go. You need to ask your self certain questions that will help you decide. I cant make the decision for you. Can you control your self when you drink? do you have the self control it takes to not drink to the point where you cant control you self? From what you send me you only hookup with people when you drink. So drink moderatly or dont drink at all. Your boyfried forgave you once which means he truly loves you too. Dont give him up yet. Try and work it out with yourself and if you really cant control yourself them maybe you should let him go. Bieng cheated on isnt a good feeling. Dont hurt yourself and your boyfriend. Control your drinking or loose your boyfriend its that simple.
Randa Moustafa
I already have a boyfriend, but at parties, I get tipsy or drunk, and always end up making out with someone else. I don't realize when we're making out, but when I start sobering up, I feel so guilty and stupid. My boyfriend forgave me once, and I didn't tell him about the other ones. I can't forgive myself, and I don't want him with a girl like me. What do I do? Should I break up with him and let him find someone better?
From Confused
Dear confused,
It sounds like you really love your boyfriend. It takes alot of guts to make a decision like letting someone go. You need to ask your self certain questions that will help you decide. I cant make the decision for you. Can you control your self when you drink? do you have the self control it takes to not drink to the point where you cant control you self? From what you send me you only hookup with people when you drink. So drink moderatly or dont drink at all. Your boyfried forgave you once which means he truly loves you too. Dont give him up yet. Try and work it out with yourself and if you really cant control yourself them maybe you should let him go. Bieng cheated on isnt a good feeling. Dont hurt yourself and your boyfriend. Control your drinking or loose your boyfriend its that simple.
Randa Moustafa
Saturday, September 5, 2009
relationship problems
sn has been changed to protect the persons privacy
do you have an issue or a question? send it to angelichomicide@yahoo.com
or put it in a post below
Sweet (6:08:36 PM): my ex, who broke up with me
Sweet (6:08:45 PM): wants to b my friend
Sweet (6:08:55 PM): but shes the most boring person n the world
Sweet (6:09:31 PM): and i actually enjoyed the relationship bc of the sexual experiences and i loved buying her nice things and makin her smile
Sweet (6:09:45 PM): bc once that stopped i realized how boring she is
Sweet (6:09:49 PM): even more
Sweet (6:09:52 PM): but
Sweet (6:09:59 PM): its fucked up to jusstop talkin to her
Sweet (6:10:23 PM): bc she really wants to b my friend
Sweet (6:10:33 PM): i tried to get back wit her and she said no
Sweet (6:10:41 PM): i wanna pull my hair out
Honestly if being with her is that horrible. The only thing you can do is to fade. Don’t just stop talking to her. Be her friend, hang out with her, talk to her. No matter how boring it is for you she deserves that much from you as your ex. Many people that that just because your not dating anymore you wont have anything in common with the person. Look my advice is be her friend you might find something there that isn’t boring. And if you cant find anything there fade. Slowly extract your self from her life. You don’t have to answer every text. You don’t have to pick up every call. Your not her boy friend anymore. You can reject an invitation to go out now and then. Treat her as you would any friend and youll find that slowly shell fade from your life, or become a friend. Your not in hs anymore and im assuming the ex doesn’t live next door you can pull your self out of her life with out causing drama. Just be a friend
do you have an issue or a question? send it to angelichomicide@yahoo.com
or put it in a post below
Sweet (6:08:36 PM): my ex, who broke up with me
Sweet (6:08:45 PM): wants to b my friend
Sweet (6:08:55 PM): but shes the most boring person n the world
Sweet (6:09:31 PM): and i actually enjoyed the relationship bc of the sexual experiences and i loved buying her nice things and makin her smile
Sweet (6:09:45 PM): bc once that stopped i realized how boring she is
Sweet (6:09:49 PM): even more
Sweet (6:09:52 PM): but
Sweet (6:09:59 PM): its fucked up to jusstop talkin to her
Sweet (6:10:23 PM): bc she really wants to b my friend
Sweet (6:10:33 PM): i tried to get back wit her and she said no
Sweet (6:10:41 PM): i wanna pull my hair out
Honestly if being with her is that horrible. The only thing you can do is to fade. Don’t just stop talking to her. Be her friend, hang out with her, talk to her. No matter how boring it is for you she deserves that much from you as your ex. Many people that that just because your not dating anymore you wont have anything in common with the person. Look my advice is be her friend you might find something there that isn’t boring. And if you cant find anything there fade. Slowly extract your self from her life. You don’t have to answer every text. You don’t have to pick up every call. Your not her boy friend anymore. You can reject an invitation to go out now and then. Treat her as you would any friend and youll find that slowly shell fade from your life, or become a friend. Your not in hs anymore and im assuming the ex doesn’t live next door you can pull your self out of her life with out causing drama. Just be a friend
Dear Randa
This is a blog to answer your dear abby questions. My name is Randa and i will be a freshmen in college starting september 2009. Im entering into a DO program in Touro college. Feel free to post your questions anonymously or unanonymously and ill try and get to you as soon as possible with a answer <3
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